“A little ruthless laughter clears the air as nothing else can do; It is good for us, every now and then, to see our ideals laughed at, our conception of nobility caricatured; It is good for solemnity’s nose to be tweaked, for human pomposity to be made to look ridiculous.” - Aldous Huxley
1. “I do like your uniform,” said the young Mrs. Laxman, “Tell me, what do you do exactly.”
“I’m a naval surgeon.”
“Really? Said Mrs. Laxman. “How you doctors specialize…………..
2. “That osteopath swore he’d have me walking within six months.”
“And did he?”
“He certainly did. He’s sent me three bills so far and I’ve had to sell my car!”
3. Referal letter from G.P. to specialist: “This patient, Mrs. H…….. has been married for two years but has never achieved satisfaction. I wonder whether you can help her.”
4. She was a sweet young thing; he was a fast rising account executive with a well known advertising agency. Everyone thought it was an ideal marriage. But alas, there was a problem……with sex. The honeymoon hadn’t even begun.
“B-b-being an advertising man,” she sobbed to a friend, “ all he does every night is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how wonderful it’s going to be!”
5. Instructor: “Outline the steps to be taken in the rescue and resuscitation of a drowning man.”
Keen pupil: “One- get the man out of the water. Two- get the water out of the man.
6. Dyspepsia is the remorse of a guilty stomach.
7. A 75 year-old woman visited her doctor. Her major complaint was that she was finding it hard to sleep.” Please doctor; give me a prescription for some of those birth control pills. Then I know I’ll sleep.”
The doctor answered, but Mrs. Patel, the birth control pill has nothing in it that will affect sleep. It’s for a different purpose entirely.
“I know, I know. Believe me; I know it will help me. She replied.
More to humor the old lady than anything else, the doctor wrote out a prescription for a month’s supply of the pill. A month passed and there she was back again at the doctor’s office. “Oh doctor,” she beamed, “those pills were wonderful! The best rest I’ve had in ages! Give me another month’s supply.”
“Look Mrs. Patel,” answered the doctor,” there is absolutely nothing in the pill that can help you sleep. Believe me, I’m a doctor and I know.”
Retorted the old lady. “So you’re a doctor; Well, I’m a grandmother and my 18-year-old grand –daughter lives with me. Every morning I put a pill in her orange juice, and YOU believe me. I sleep better!”
9. “Everybody I meet is so irritating,” a tense, nervous patient complained to her doctor. He prescribed a tranquilizer and told her to come back in a week and let him know how she was feeling.
“Have you noticed any change in your mental attitude?” he asked on her next visit.
“None at all,” she replied. “I feel just the same – but I’ve noticed that other people are acting a lot better.”
10. A pretty young lady brought an under-weight baby to be examined by the doctor.
“Hmm,” said the doctor, after looking at the baby,” very undernourished I’m afraid. Excuse me, madam…….”
He undid the lady’s blouse and examined her breasts with care.” Just as I thought!” he announced. “You’re not producing any milk!”
I should hope not, doctor!” she beamed. I’m his maiden aunt.
11. Advertisement in a newspaper:
“Wanted: A Gentleman, preferably with medical knowledge, to undertake sale and promotion of patent medicine. The advertiser guarantees it will be profitable to the undertaker.”
12. Doctor to call Girl: “You look run down. My advice is that you stay out of bed for a week or two.”
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